What is life?

My very first coach invited me to this question 10 years ago. I had no idea what to say and I felt terrified to answer, but it quickly became one of the most powerful questions I ask myself, that my coach asks me and that I ask my clients on a regular basis.

"I don't experience life, I experience the life I focus on" - Tony Robbins.

My answers to this question brings me the awareness I need, to see the potential that already exists, and the actions I need to take to fulfill my body, mind and soul in a way that empowers me, empowers my life and empowers the beings in and around it. That was a long sentence so make sure to read it until it reaches that place inside of you that maybe needs to hear it.

10 years ago my answers to this question, what is life, sounded a little like this:

• Life is hard

• Life makes me tired

• Life is a struggle

• And many more...

"I don't experience life, I experience the life I focus on" So what did I need to focus on to feel that life was hard, that it made me tired and that it was a struggle?

My coach guided me all the way back to scratch and invited me to these questions: Where is my focus? What am I actually focusing on? These questions brought me to the connection between my focus and the thoughts I am thinking.

What I think I focus on, what I focus on I feel, and what I feel I experience.

He took me through a simple test to "prove" this concept. He told me to think of a happy memory. What are you thinking about in this memory, he asked? I am thinking about all the wonderful things I remember, the people, the place, how we laughed. So where is your focus, he asked? My focus is on the happy things in this memory. What do you feel when you think about and focus on these wonderful things in this memory? It makes me feel absolutely wonderful. I feel a happy sensation through my entire body, I feel energy rushing through and I feel a big smile on my face. I feel my body physically opening up and my postures becoming strong. What is your experience right now, he asked? I am experiencing excitement and happiness.

Then he took me through the same test but this time he asked me to think about a sad memory. What are you thinking about in this memory, he asked? I am thinking about the people I was with, the place we were at and the tears in people's eyes. So where is your focus, he asked? My focus is on the sad things in this memory. What do you feel when you think about and focus on the sad things in this memory? I feel very sad. I feel my body physically wanting to curl into a ball and I feel a heaviness in my heart. What is your experience right now, he asked? I am experiencing water coming through the corner of my eyes, sadness and longing.

This simple test reinforced my beliefs that the thoughts I think creates the focus I have, and the combination of the two creates my experience. I became aware of and saw the potential and the gap inside of me. So I started digging and exploring by asking myself questions:

What are the dominating thoughts that I think every day?

• Where does my thinking guide my focus every day?

• What patterns can I find in my thinking and focus?

• Is my thinking and focus empowering or disempowering my life?

• What would happen to my focus if I were to choose to think different thoughts? What would happen to the quality of my life, my relationships, my dreams, my work etc?

• What are the questions I ask myself and the statements I tell myself every day?

"What´s wrong is always available. So is what's right" - Tony Robbins

Let's use the last question to demonstrate an example: what are the questions I ask myself and the statements I tell myself every day? This question quickly helped me realize that I had been walking around asking myself a whole lot of disempowering questions. Here are a few examples of my old disempowering questions and statements:

• Why am I always so tired?

• I hate when he leaves his dirty socks everywhere!

• Why can't he be more romantic?

Now let's look at some of the old answers I came up with to my old questions and statements:

Why am I always so tired?

Because I am weak. Because I do everything all the time. I don't have time to sleep. Everything and everyone will fall apart if I don't do it all.

I hate when he leaves his dirty socks everywhere!

He probably takes me for granted. He is probably expecting me to do it. He is lazy. He has never been in the laundry room so he probably doesn't even know where the laundry basket is.

Why can't he be more romantic?

He probably doesn't love me the same anymore. He is probably tired of me and he was just being romantic in the beginning to "get me". He doesn't like romance. He doesn't care.

By taking the time to become aware of the thoughts I was thinking, where that guided my focus and how that resulted in my experience, my patterns became very clear. I was asking myself what was wrong and what I didn't want instead of what is right and what I do want. So I flipped it around.

• Why am I so tired all the time ------> What can I do that I will enjoy, to bring more energy into my life?

• I hate when he leaves his dirty socks everywhere ------> I am so grateful for his loving morning texts and that he always asks me if we need anything from the grocery store on his way home from work.

• Why can't he be more romantic ------> What can I do to bring more romance into our relationship? What can I do to have him melt into my arm with passion and love?

I chose to change the thoughts I bring into my thinking and that guided my focus back to me, and I chose to take responsibility. The thoughts I think creates the questions I ask myself and the answers I give myself. The questions and answers I feed myself with creates the emotions I feel and that creates my experience - of my life. I believe we were all born with a powerful gift, the gift of choice. Thoughts will come and thoughts will go but I have the power to choose what thoughts I make into my thinking, and so I have the power to choose where my focus goes and what I experience. Do I choose to think about and focus on the dirty socks he leaves behind or do I choose to think about and focus on the wonderful things he says or does. If he were to leave his socks in the laundry basket, would that really turn my whole life around in the most magical way? Or is it the meaning I have assigned to his "dirty socks" action that creates my emotions, and the experience I have about it... something to think about.

Knowledge and awareness is important because it shine a light on the potential inside of me that already exists, this is my experience and belief. But to make this awareness and potential into power it needs to be accompanied by my actions. Action is what lights the wood that makes my fire. Without it, awareness and knowledge is merely potential power. So I did the work, I went deep and I started standing guard at the door of my mind. The result that this has created, lies within the answer to the very same question what is life? and today, for me:

• Life is magical

• Life is the story I create

• Life is a gift

I can go deep when I invite myself to this question today because I have been through the work of this question over and over again, but I never get as deep as when my coach asks me. It is as simple as being at the gym alone or being there with a personal trainer. I push myself with some extra reps but my coach invites me to places I have never been, and I get to pass that gift forward to my own clients.

If you are reading this, I want to leave you with an invitation to this powerful question: What is life?

I also want to invite you to be curious, kind and loving to yourself as you become aware of your answers. When I do deep work with myself I remind myself of this: Everything changes and everything comes to an end, and that creates the opportunity for a new beginning.

I am here when you are ready to go deeper.

Love,

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